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Thursday, 31 March 2011


So I've spent a fair amount of time studying the pathology of the human mind and it is very scary to note that the littlest things can cause us to finally Crack, Snap and Pop, not necessarily in that order. Anything from last straws, camels and humping that precipitate the final point where we don't even have the wherewithal to say or recognise that we've had enough. it just happens. For some, it is a red light and humming in the ears. for others who have cracked and popped a few pills too many, it may be the white light and an unfulfilled life flashing before their eyes. for the rest of us, there is a not-so-happy medium. crazy moments punctuated with trips to the pub or the front door if we're lucky enough to have shebeens with Magic Mobile functionality delivering happiness, potions and ice.

It was one of those east meets west weekends when I was hearing noises again. Wind chimes and creaky wooden floors. fridges frosting and cats jumping wildly from trees into garage doors, and on a 9th life policy, changing direction and scramming after birds in the garden. I felt ready to snap. Nothing on my wheel of life was rating anything close to a  perfect 10.while neither was my dress size so I put up a Perfect Life Under Construction sign.
That alone helped me to heal. Just mentally keeping the craziness at bay was already empowering. I posted my cosmic To Do list in the pantry (most visited site at that point)
I also know that the human brain cannot process negatives so instead of depriving myself with "No" and "None of this" I populated a conscious-altering high-tech FROM and TO To Do list!

  1. Great, wholesome All Foods within Reach
  2. Obsessive checking of mobile for "I am sorry I am scum" text from vile ex
  3. Sweating (of course not on the treadmill) the little things
  4. Flat, sensible pumps
  5. Laundry
  6. Chores

1.  Food that is Transparent, transportable, pronounceable and digestable. Hence SOUP for the tired soul
2. Acceptance that most of human behaviour is not accessible to the conscious mind thus vile ex has NO idea of vileness. focus on good, long and all-niter capabilities of said ex and the athletic capabilities I developed thereby

3. Living in gratitude and appreciating the little things and feeling that flutter in acknowledgement that there is a Power greater than me that brings all goodness to me
4. 11 inch heels and foxy furs. A small errand CAN be a sexy excursion
5. Airing out the closets and piles of things holding me back. Keeping it minimalistic and clean
6. Finalise Miguel's (sexy butler with 6-pack) job description so that I can live the good life

All in all, a Will do with Passion plan.

Wish me luck!

Wednesday, 30 March 2011


So I figured it was high time (not sure what that means in physical terms) to take stock of my life. I have to date oscillated between good days and bad days which in the final analysis had some arbitrary basis in, for example, hair volume, weight, cravings, texts from dysfunctional ex, hallucinations (about Mr Delivery and chocolate, with a hitherto unconfirmed link to cravings), bank account balance, headhunter hits on CV submission, and a butler who has more attitude than champagne at a braai! BUT TODAY IS THE DAY. So I have a vision board that found its origins on the back of a KitKat wrapper, taking the break to get a pen. i have removed the batteries from the scale, banned skinny nymphs from my neighbourhood (I mean what am I paying security companies for anyway?) and with the last remnants of post-traumatic stress (diet) EQ, banished all negative thoughts from my very tired mind.
My hoemeopath helped me to sleep and I learned to speak to the plants in a more level tone, watching pace and nuance. Hopefully the snails don't think I've gone soft. THAT war is not yet over. Sleep deprivation is a very dangerous condition. after days, well actually, it eventually feels like one 1 long day ... i digress with the same ease at which my mind fragmented and the ESP came on full-blown. for real. I could hear creaks and anticipate rain within 2 weeks of playing No-Sleep-No-Sleep with myself. I could detect BS from a mile away and in some wild divine space, packed away the sharp objects in the kitchen and garage. When I walked passed the mirror and inadvertently told my reflection how happy i was to see her, and to make herself at home, the split second anxiety attack was my sign to get it straight.
Feeling good and living in the moment was not optional. Doing a job I don't enjoy. Reliving childhood issues and carrying the unnecessary burdens of beings on my hips and anywhere else it could slide from, is so last season and if blind ambition is me trying to silence my alarm clock in a dark room from an odd post-margarita nite is the extent of it, THEN SO BE IT!
I am Enough. Just Like That!