The unravelling continues. The small joys permeate my spiritually abundant existence. I even embrace my insomnia because now I am reading truly inspirational texts in the half-light, having memorised the most delicious recipes, and cleared and defragged my laptop of all ties to my protracted corporate confinement. Interesting to find that as I transposed my contacts list, whom I wanted to keep and whom I wished well and deeply into the Recycle Bin, that they may resurrect as new beings who know how to treat people and with a reinforced backbone to take on opponents their own size. I know, not very all-worldly EQ, but in my defense I did say I am on a journey of discovery, not bloody perfect!
Almost as sexy as hindsight is the Clarity of Distance. You know that after-the-rains and post-divorce 50% + the kids feeling??? Well, then you're in it. That's the clarity of distance, and it comes about in the most remarkable ways. Not unlike the very sexy milkman on Tuesdays ...alas, in Wonderland, I digress ...
It comes about when you stand outside yourself and your pre-programmedness, and see the wood for the trees. And you can seperate the men from the boys (why bother I ask) and the corn from the chaff and all that. It's like falling out of love or Coming into your Own, understanding why some relationships are toxic or how blonde does not look great on everyone. And as long as we stay too close to something, or if we've done it on autopilot for too long, we miss the detail.
So signing on dotted lines and clearing Outlook folders have brought about that clarity. I just see all the nonsense and the pointlessness and the fear that seeps in through the cover-your-arse emails and the aligning with dark forces to stay in the running, and the almost violent selectiveness to feedback. Invisible shields worn to meetings, and the politically correct over-utilisation of the BCC function.
Say what you mean and deal with the consequences helps a great deal into the future, but it requires a certain platform or cultural evolution.
I am instead plying my trade on the domestic landscape.
Unable to afford a helper or handyman, I have taken to help myself and be darned handy while I'm at it. It was only when I was standing with an axe and a hammer in the garden that I realised how far I had come. Physically and mentally, I was exploring new territory. The overgrown lawn was not going to get the better of me. My life is as a blade of grass, and in any second, the latter part of this one included, could be over. So no point really in allowing just anyone to speak into it and try and determine my path. Not even with the best intentions could anyone account for my decisions and actions, and on comes the surge of freedom, as I stand to be counted. In front of my newly defrosted (with a blowdryer) fridge, but counted all the same.
Having abandoned Corporate Confinement, I am fully into Joy & Bliss Reloaded. Game on!